Postpartum Self-Care & Support

You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup

The early weeks and months of motherhood are intensely focused on your baby’s needs. But here’s a truth every new mother needs to hear: Taking care of yourself is not selfish—it’s essential. You cannot care for your baby effectively when you’re depleted, exhausted, and running on empty. Self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity for both you and your baby.

Why Self-Care Matters (Really!)

For You:

• Prevents burnout and resentment
• Reduces risk of postpartum depression
• Helps you heal physically and emotionally
• Maintains your identity beyond “mother”
• Gives you energy to care for baby
• Improves your mood and patience
• Supports your physical recovery

For Your Baby:

• Babies need healthy, rested mothers
• Your wellbeing directly affects baby’s wellbeing
• You model self-care for your child
• Calm, rested mother = calmer baby
• You’ll be more present and engaged

For Your Family:

• Better relationships with partner
• More patience with older children
• More energy for family life
• Models healthy balance

Basic Self-Care Strategies

Sleep: The Foundation

Sleep When Baby Sleeps: You’ve heard this a million times because it’s the single most important thing you can do. Yes, you have dishes and laundry. They can wait. Sleep cannot.

Why This Is Hard:

• You’re finally “alone” and want to use the time
• Your mind races when you try to sleep
• You feel like you should be productive

How to Actually Do It:

• Treat baby’s nap time as your nap time for first 8 weeks minimum
• Lower the shades, actually lie down
• Don’t scroll your phone—it prevents sleep
• If you can’t sleep, at least rest horizontally with eyes closed
• Even 20 minutes helps

Night Sleep Strategies:

• Sleep when baby sleeps, even if that means sleeping at 8pm
• If partner helps with baby at night, accept this help
• If formula feeding, partner can take some night feeds
• If breastfeeding, partner can handle all diaper changes and bring baby to you
• Consider safe bed-sharing if it helps you sleep (research safe co-sleeping practices)

It Gets Better: Most babies sleep for longer stretches by 3-4 months. This phase of extreme sleep deprivation is temporary.

Accept Help (This Is Not Optional)

From Partner: Your partner should be actively involved in baby care and household tasks, not “helping” you—you’re both parents. Specific tasks partner can handle:

• All diaper changes when home
• Bath time
• Bringing baby to you for night feeds
• Soothing baby between feeds
• Household tasks (meals, laundry, cleaning)

From Family and Friends: When people ask “What can I do to help?” or “Do you need anything?” have a list ready:

• “Bring dinner Tuesday”
• “Hold baby while I shower and nap”
• “Do a load of laundry”
• “Pick up groceries”
• “Wash dishes”
• “Watch baby for an hour so I can rest”

If No One Offers: ASK. “Mom, can you come hold the baby for two hours so I can sleep?” Most people want to help but don’t know what you need.

Consider Hiring Help: If affordable:

• Postpartum doula (trained in newborn care and postpartum support)
• Cleaning service (even once every two weeks)
• Meal delivery service
• Grocery delivery

Let Go of Hosting: When visitors come, they should help, not be hosted. Put them to work or ask them to come back in a few weeks.

Nourish Your Body

Eat Regular Meals: In the chaos of newborn care, it’s easy to forget to eat or grab junk food.

Strategies:

• Keep easy, healthy snacks everywhere (nuts, cheese, fruit, yogurt, hard-boiled eggs, granola bars)
• Accept meal deliveries from friends
• Use simple, no-cook meals when needed (rotisserie chicken, bagged salad, frozen vegetables)
• Eat while you nurse (set up nursing station with snacks and water)
• Partner or family should ensure you’re fed

Stay Hydrated: Especially critical if breastfeeding.

• Keep water bottle with you at all times
• Drink every time you nurse
• Add electrolytes if you’re very depleted

Continue Prenatal Vitamin: Your body needs nutrients for recovery and, if breastfeeding, for milk production.

Basic Hygiene and Getting Dressed

Why This Matters: Even when exhausted, showering and getting dressed (even into clean comfortable clothes) significantly improves mood and sense of normalcy.

Strategies:

• Shower while partner or family member holds baby
• Quick 5-minute shower counts
• Put baby in bouncer on bathroom floor while you shower
• Dry shampoo on no-shower days
• “Dressed” can mean clean loungewear

Fresh Air and Movement

Get Outside: Even 10 minutes outside each day helps:

• Improves mood (sunlight helps depression)
• Provides vitamin D
• Changes scenery
• Gives sense of normalcy

Movement:

• Short walks with baby in stroller
• Gentle stretching
• Fresh air helps baby sleep too

Don’t Pressure Yourself: You don’t need to “get back in shape” or exercise. Gentle movement for mental health, not weight loss.

Lower Your Expectations

Your House:

• Does not need to be clean
• Laundry can pile up
• Dishes can wait
• Guests don’t care (and if they do, they’re not helpful guests)

Your Appearance:

• You don’t need to wear makeup
• Unwashed hair in a bun is fine
• Comfortable clothes are perfect

Your Baby:

• Doesn’t need to be on a schedule yet
• Doesn’t need enrichment activities
• Needs to be fed, changed, held, and loved—that’s it

Productivity:

• Your job right now is recovering and keeping baby alive
• That’s enough
• Everything else can wait

Emotional Self-Care

Be Patient with Yourself

Adjust Your Timeline: You’re learning an entirely new skill (parenting) while sleep-deprived, physically recovering, and hormonally adjusting. Give yourself grace.

It’s Okay to:

• Not enjoy every moment
• Feel overwhelmed
• Not instantly fall in love with your baby
• Miss your old life
• Feel conflicted emotions simultaneously
• Not know what you’re doing

It’s Not Okay to:

• Suffer in silence
• Ignore your mental health
• Isolate yourself completely
• Harm yourself or baby (seek immediate help)

Express Your Feelings

Talk About It:

• With your partner about how you’re really feeling
• With other new mothers who understand
• With your healthcare provider at postpartum visits
• With a counselor if needed

Don’t Bottle It Up: Sharing your struggles doesn’t make you weak—it makes you human and healthy.

Connect with Other Mothers

Why This Helps:

• You realize your experience is normal
• Reduces isolation
• Creates understanding friendships
• Safe space to vent

Where to Connect:

• New parent groups (hospital, community center, library often offer)
• Online communities (baby month groups, local mom groups)
• Breastfeeding support groups
• Friends who recently had babies

Set Boundaries

With Visitors:

• It’s okay to say no to visitors when you’re not up for it
• Limit visit length
• Ask visitors to text before coming
• Tell visitors what would actually help (holding baby while you rest, not you hosting them)

With Advice:

• Everyone will give unsolicited advice
• Thank them and do what works for you
• “That’s interesting, we’re trying [your method]”

With Yourself:

• Don’t compare your experience to others’ highlight reels
• Limit social media if it makes you feel inadequate
• Your journey is your own

Quick Self-Care Activities

5-Minute Self-Care (When Baby Sleeps)

• Take a shower
• Sit outside with coffee/tea
• Do breathing exercises
• Stretch
• Listen to favorite song
• Close eyes and rest

15-Minute Self-Care

• Take a bath
• Read a chapter of a book
• Call a friend
• Paint nails
• Face mask
• Gentle yoga

Self-Care With Baby

• Take a walk together
• Listen to podcast while feeding
• Watch your favorite show while nursing
• Baby-wearing while doing something you enjoy
• Cuddle together

Building Your Support System

Identify Your Support People:

Practical Support:

• Who can you call for immediate baby help?
• Who can bring a meal?
• Who can run an errand?

Emotional Support:

• Who can you vent to without judgment?
• Who really listens?
• Who understands what you’re going through?

Professional Support:

• Healthcare providers
• Lactation consultant
• Mental health counselor
• Postpartum doula

Create Your Village: You need different people for different needs. Some provide practical help, others emotional support. Both matter.

Asking for What You Need

Many new mothers struggle to ask for help. Practice these scripts:

“I need you to hold the baby for an hour so I can sleep.” “Can you bring dinner this week? Tuesday would be great.” “I’m not up for visitors today. Can we schedule for next week?” “I need you to take over for an hour—I’m overwhelmed.” “Please don’t give advice right now. I just need you to listen.”

Direct requests get better results than hinting or suffering silently.

When Self-Care Isn’t Enough

If despite self-care you’re experiencing:

• Persistent sadness or hopelessness
• Inability to function
• Thoughts of harming yourself or baby
• Extreme anxiety or panic
• Inability to bond with baby
• Feeling detached from reality

Seek professional help immediately. See our Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression page and contact your healthcare provider. This is not something you can self-care your way through—you need professional support, and that’s completely okay.

Permission Slip

You Have Permission To:

• Rest instead of cleaning
• Ask for help without guilt
• Feed your baby however works (breast, formula, combination)
• Not enjoy every moment of motherhood
• Miss your old life while loving your new life
• Take time for yourself
• Be imperfect
• Make mistakes
• Not have all the answers
• Put yourself and your health as a priority

Taking care of yourself makes you a better mother, not a selfish one. Your baby needs you healthy, rested, and emotionally well more than they need a perfect house or a martyr mother.

Fill your own cup first. You deserve care too.